Journal: A Mission & Purpose from Pain

In the last two months I’ve learned that my emotional pain has a purpose thanks to Ann Rea’s Fulfill Your Creative Purpose class on CreativeLive. I don’t believe in fate. I don’t believe that there is some divine plan for me. But, I do now believe that I can find purpose in my pain.

When you take your deepest pain and really look at it, you can find the lesson(s) you learned from that experience. That lesson gives your pain purpose and that purpose gives a sort of meaning to your pain, which makes it hurt less.

The three worst pains in my life are my mom’s suicide, the abuse of my stepdad, and my absent father. Now that I am able to see the lesson I learned from each experience, they don’t hurt as much as they did.

From my mom’s suicide I gained determination. At age 14, I decided that I would never put my loved ones through a similar experience. My determination bled into other areas of my life and now is a part of who I am. I learned to keep going and to never give up. I learned that I can survive and that things will eventually get better. I learned to be determined.

From my stepdad’s abuse I gained strength. The day I decided to leave home I saw that his psychological and verbal abuse could turn physical. He outright admitted that he was trying to hurt me. I knew I had to leave home before things got worse. At age 18, I decided I would never again let anyone treat me that way. I learned to stand up for myself. I learned to be strong.

From my absent father (and my mom and stepdad) I learned that I can build my own family. My husband’s family became my real family. They offered me a home when I had no where else to go. They called me their daughter before I was officially their daughter-in-law. They showed me that family is more than blood. I’ve built my own little family with my husband and our corgi, Joxer. In the last several years I’ve found true friends that love me and support me as biological family should. I see now that since my teens I have been seeking my own family. I learned that family is more than blood. I learned to build my own family.

The purpose of my pain was to gain the determination, strength, and support system I would need to overcome my chronic health issues and fight for the life I want to live.

My pain is no longer just badness in my life. It has meaning. It is a teacher. It provides me with the tools I need to survive the challenges I face today and in the future. It is the source of my personal core values of love, support, belonging, and family. It has given me a mission, which I now fully recognize and embrace.

My mission is to help others overcome their chronic health issues and fight for the life they want to live.

Maybe all of this was obvious to everyone else, but I couldn’t see it. At least, not until I looked for the purpose in my pain.


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