On days like today I wish I could just pick up the phone and call someone to come help me get clean, get meals, etc. I know there are services out there, but my embarrassment and shame and denial keep me from researching whether I qualify and can afford it.
The thought of someone other than my husband helping me bathe stops me. I feel embarrassed. Not being able to take care of myself stops me. I feel shame. Knowing that I don’t always need help stops me. I am in denial.
The logical me knows it is silly not to pursue something that could potentially make my life (and my husband’s life) so much easier. But, the emotional me isn’t ready yet to accept the help and all it implies. So, I just keep wishing.